my resolution- No longer living between my hat and my heels.
by Nicole Mckenzie on Thursday, October 28, 2010 at 12:55pm
Here I am thriving and surviving and I make a resolution that I will do what I must to help as many victims of abuse as possible. No sooner than i make this resolution and i start to speak out...suddenly I begin to receive backlash from people who everyone would assume to be the last people to do such a thing. One statement I heard that almost brought me to a very quick stop was "In your quest to help other people you are hurting alot of innocent people." You know, I really had to stop and think about things and it became so clear that everyone is happiest when an incest survivor suffers in silence so that no one asks questions.
My message to everyone is that, that is my point...people need to ask questions and stop leaving these girls and boys to suffer. apparently no one remembers that I never asked to be abused nor did I ask to be separated from the people who truly loved me. To all my abuse survivors it is never your fault...it is the abusers fault...Sadly, the truth is that many survivors are forced to into being victims of suffering in silence because when they speak out people ask questions.
WELL I HAVE NEWS FOR THE WOLRD. PLEASE FEEL FREE TO ASK QUESTIONS, THAT IS THE ONLY WAY YOU WILL LEARN HOW TO IDENTIFY WHEN SOMEONE IS BEING ABUSED. One of the things alot of people always say to me is that they couldn't tell I was being abused. Truth is that not all sexual abuse victims are as obvious as depicted in "Precious". Many of us, live between our hat our heels.
But here is my resolution to my resolution...I WILL NO LONGER LIVE BETWEEN MY HAT AND MY HEELS TO PLEASE ANYONE...
I WILL NOT KEEP SILENT....
I WILL OPEN PANDORA'S BOX (as keeping it closed keeps my hope hidden)...
I WILL DO WHAT IT TAKES TO HELP THOSE I LOVE AND THOSE I WILL COME TO LOVE...
I WILL VICTOURIOUSLY EMERGE THROUGH ALL MY TRIALS WITH GOD BY MY SIDE...
I WILL NOT ALLOW ANYONE TO TWIST GOD'S WORDS TO MAKE ME SILENT...
WITH EVERY NEGATIVE WORD THAT IS SAID TO ME I WILL CREATE A WORD OF ENCOURAGEMENT FOR MYSELF, MY FELLOW SURVIVORS AND THOSE WHO TRULY ARE OUR SUPPORTERS....SO GET IT STRAIGHT, JUST LIKE JOB, THE MORE YOU FIGHT AGAINST ME THE MORE I FIGHT BACK, HUMANS CAN ONLY MAKE ME PAUSE BUT CAN'T STOP ME UNLESS ITS TO TAKE MY BREATH AWAY AND UNTIL GOD SAYS ITS OVER IT ISN'T OVER.
I AM A SUBJECT NOT AN OBJECT AND I KNOW THAT NOW AND WILL NEVER FORGET IT.
PS...WHEN YOU FEEL DISCOURAGED DO WHAT I DO..EVEN IF I HAVE TO CRY WHILE I'M ENCOURAGING MYSELF I REMIND MYSELF THAT I'M THAT SAME GIRL THAT PRAYED AND CRIED NIGHT AFTER NIGHT AND DAY AFTER ... I AM A CONQUEROR AND NOTHING ANYONE SAYS CAN TAKE THAT AWAY.... I KNOW WHAT I WENT THROUGH AND I KNOW HOW I CAME THROUGH IT ....AND IF I CAN DO IT YOU BEST BELIEVE YOU CAN TOO...ITS A CONSTANT STRUGGLE BUT BELIEVE ME IT GETS BETTER WHEN YOU JUST STOP AND THINK ABOUT WHAT A WONDERFUL TEAM YOU HAVE EVEN IF ITS JUST YOU AND MY AWESOME GOD.
DO NOT LIVE BETWEEN YOUR HAT AND YOUR HEELS...PLEASE I IMPLORE YOU...STEP OUTSIDE THE CONFINES OF THAT DARK CLOSET...SEE WHEN YOU OPEN PANDORA'S BOX ALL YOUR TROUBLES FLOW OUT BUT WITH THOSE TROUBLES, HOPE, JOY, HAPPINESS, THEY ARE ALSO RELEASED.
BE ENCOURAGED,
NICKY...striving with GIRLTHRIVE INC
7 comments:
Amazing Nicky! Thank you for sharing such powerful thoughts and words.
this is very encouraging .
im having a tough time now, its hard to look at people the same , or to look at people and not expect to be hurt.
Hi Nicky!
Just wanted to say thanks for the post and beautifully said!!!!
You are an inspiration! If you don't mind me saying, I've learned that the more truth I seek and unveil, the more opposition seemingly comes my way. I believe now that it's a sign of being a world changer. Truth is truth!
Thank you ladies for your support! @ reese I absolutely agree with you and the fact that "truth is truth" is exactly why we will forever speak out
Great blog! Thank you for standing up and fighting. You will make a difference.
I finally told somebody. After panic attacks, fear, guilt, shame....finally, FINALLY I told someone who has shared everything with me. After tears and held hands and so much support from her, we went on to explore, laugh, and take tons of pictures with geese, sit out under the stars.....
Now, weeks later, I feel so much healthier. I'm still dorky, slightly awkward, shy lil ole me, but I don't feel so warped and confused on the inside. I'm not crying all the time, no more panic attacks....
I hope one day I'll be strong enough to speak out on behalf of other abused children. But in the meantime, I just hope that everyone can have as healing an experience as I have.
<3
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