What Would You Like To Talk About??

It is time for you wonderful gals to give me some ideas on subjects you would like to talk about. Please send ideas for what we should blog about next. I am excited to hear from you! xo dr. p

You Couldn't Stop Him

So many girls write to me and tell me that they feel 'stupid' or 'weak' that they did not stop their abusers. They look back and they think they could have stopped their brother, father, date.... but it is clear that there are reasons that girls do not stop their abusers- I begin "Invisible Girls: The Truth About Sexual Abuse " talking about just this. Here are some of the points I make in the book. :

Why didn't you stop him- you lived under his roof, you were living in a web of fear and confusion, you were young, you didn't have good options, or a strong support system- Why didn't you stop him- We live in a culture where boys will be boys- a culture that pushes the sexist belief that young girls are ready for sex when their bodies start to develop, where a male dominated government decides the laws about rape and incest, pornography, child and spousal abuse and abortion - You didn't stop him because you couldn't.

I want you girls to try to begin to forgive yourselves. It is clear to me, that you were trapped and abused and you did not see the way out. If you have found a way out now, applaud yourselves! If you are finding a way out- reach out to us- we understand. xoxo dr. patti

"But I Never Said NO" .....

I hear from so many girls that are carrying around so much guilt. They were sexually abused. When the man or guy was pulling down their underpants to have sex, they became frozen... they could not say no. They did not want to have sex, their bodies did not respond- sometimes they cry, sometimes they pull away, sometimes they try to get their bodies out from underneath the guy on top of them, sometimes they go numb,. they just layed there- frozen - they did not ask for sex - but they could not open their mouths to say "no". It is clear that that is still rape. That is still sex abuse. Here is a girl's experience sent on the blog as a response to the last blog about prostitution- I wanted to post it here so that she could get some support from all of you wonderful brilliant girls- I know that many of you have been there too and have come through it. Let's give this gal some support! I know how much it will help her. I am posting it here because it has so much in it. She feels so guilty, she feels bad about herself because now she is free with giving her body over to guys even though she does not want to, she is engaging in drug use to escape- Come on girls - help her out! Please respond to this post. I know how amazing this community is- I also know that whenever we reach out to a girl - then another girl gets help and another and another! Here is her post:

i too never really said no, but i guess it must have been clear when i was pushing him off and crying. I mean i though he was so much cooler and older. i was 14 and he was 19 and it just seemed like a great thing to do at the time. its funny because he was the nicest one out of all of them. maybe that's why i reject any guy who asks me out or likes me. i mean after i was pretty much a slut having one night stands, i just didn't think i deserved to have sex with anyone who liked me. i didn't even like it. i would just lay there and pretend to be somewhere else. Im 17 now and i know i mean drugs are really the only thing that helps me escape reality which is pretty much pathetic but i guess i am that. i just cant help but wonder what if i didn't go out that night you know? and i know you will say its not my fault...but i mean it is. i think. I'm just confused.and this doesn't make any sense ad the most inappropriate place to write this. so i am sorry. i just needed to write it all out .....so sorry again

Prostitution Is Sexual Abuse!

I have had to honor to work with some of the amazing girls in the G.E.M.S. program here in New York City. G.E.M.S. stands for girls educational mentoring services. It is a wonderful program that helps to get girls out "of the life" . For those of you that do not know, "in the life" means the life of prostitution. I have learned from these brave girls that they had no other options, they did not have loving supportive homes, parents who loved and cared for them. They were vulnerable. Think about it... sexual abuse involved being forced to have sex with someone you are not ready to have sex with, do not choose to have sex with, do not want to have sex with, basically it is rape. Think about the 15 year old girl sent into a hotel room and a 50 year old man comes in, and says "Give me a blow job now." She does it- she escapes into her own world somewhere very far away from this gross man, this blow job. One girl told me when she had to "do tricks" for "johns" she basically exported herself to Hawaii on a beautiful beach and swam with the dolphins. See, girls forced into prostitution also "check out" while they are being abused. Just like incest survivors. So next time you hear someone call a prostitute a "hoe" "hooker" "whore" try to correct them. Tell them, those girls are abused too. xo dr. patti

Date Rape Story of Courage and Sucess!

Jullianna wrote to me about two years ago about her brother molesting her during her young adolescence. She was now in college and pursuing a nursing degree. She had read "Invisible Girls" gone to the Girlthrive website and found inspiration. She sent me her story- it was the first time she began to process. "Invisible Girls" helped her to begin healing at around 19 years old. I awarded Julianna a Girlthrive Scholarship stipend for her studies. We kept in touch. She was making smarter decisions regarding men, dating, drinking etc. She sent me a photo in the mail early last year of her and her brother- actually dealing directly with each other, beginning to heal. Cut to the other day... I get an email from Julianna telling me she was raped by her girlfriends ex-boyfriend at a party. She drank too much, blacked out, and then woke up half naked and knew that the "friend" had raped her. There were also witnesses at the party who saw him take her into his bedroom- Julianna went to the hospital and the police. She wrote that she was afraid that I would be disappointed in her for drinking, and getting raped. She was clear that even though she was drunk, the rape was not her fault ! She wanted to prosecute. Her family does not support her on very much emotionally, they are not close, and she did not tell them. Of course I was so proud of her for writing to me and sharing her experience. I wrote back telling her I was proud and thought she was so very brave to report the rape. Well yesterday Julie called me on my cell! She had just come from the courts and her charges against the rapist stuck. There is a warrant out for his arrest, he will spend Christmas in jail- they are going to trial! Julliana found out that he had also raped other girls- she feels she is not only saving herself but other girls too. Although the ex girlfriend of the rapist is still friendly with the rapist, has rejected Jullaina, she will not tell her parents because they will most likely blame her, the lawyers in court made her out to be to blame and a drunk slut, .... Julianna is happy, she is proud. Many people who were at the party came forward in her support as witnesses- I got to be "Dr. Patti Mommy" I got the chance to be Julliana's good mommy at the moment where she called ME when she left the court room. Girls you have no idea what an honor it is to be in your lives- I am so touched and moved by all of you every day. !!! Sharing Great News xo dr. Patti

Time to Think About Women's Rights!

The summer has come and gone and we are here ready for a new election. I hope all of you are aware that Mc Cain and Sara Palin are against abortion. Palin is against abortion even in cases of rape and incest. This is amazing to me- what is more amazing is that women can call themselves feminists who believe this. !!!!! If you are old enough to vote I urge you to look at the facts about women's rights before you vote- The Obama ticket is for women's rights and Biden Obama's Vice Presidental running mate actually wrote and was instrumental in passing the Stop Violence Against Women bill to protect girls and women!! Here is what Joe Biden has to say about that bill:

"I consider the Violence Against Women Act the single most significant legislation that I’ve crafted during my 35-year tenure in the Senate. Indeed, the enactment of the Violence Against Women Act in 1994 was the beginning of a historic commitment to women and children victimized by domestic violence and sexual assault. Our nation has been rewarded for this commitment. Since the Act’s passage in 1994, domestic violence has dropped by almost 50%, incidents of rape are down by 60%, and the number of women killed by an abusive husband or boyfriend is down by 22%. Today, more than half of all rape victims are stepping forward to report the crime. And since we passed the Act in 1994 over a million women have found justice in our courtrooms and obtained domestic violence protective orders." – Senator Joe Biden

What are your thoughts on this election? My biggest political concern has always been women's rights- Love xo Dr. Patti

Camp CADI In Full Force!!

Hi girls!! Thank you all for reaching out to me through the blog and email so that I could help to sign you up for Camp CADI, the only camp for sexually abused girls! Amy has come up with such wonderful activities for Camp CADI- The Girlthrive Scholarship Fund has awarded 10 camperships to girls from all around the country!! We have girls coming from the South, Mid-West, New England, Pennsylvania and New York City. I am so proud of all of you girls that are blogging and reaching out! Look forward to lots of pics in a future blog after the Camp. Amy hopes to run Camp CADI all over the country soon. There will be spa nights, camp fires, music, poetry, dance, talent shows, rope courses, and more. So please stay tuned! After the camp the girls will share their experiences on our blog. We will keep you all posted! xox dr. patti