I have been so grateful to read the comments from the young women involved in the Morman Religion and other religious groups. One thing I do not specifically address in "Invisible Girls" is abuse in religion. It is so much like incest. It seems that the girls are told to marry and to have sex with these men by the religion and also by their mothers. I am guessing that just as with incest, the mother refusing to protect her daugher, is the most upsetting and traumatizing for the girls. After all, if your own mother tells you to marry when you are 15,16,17, 18 years old.... who can you trust? Who will protect you? Not only do these discusting men say you belong to them, they actually say that God speaks to them and that you are obeying God by marrying ... Oye Vey.... I never stop being amazed by the strength and honesty of all of you. I am so thrilled that some of you have found Girlthrive and feel you can reach out to us here on this blog. So.... What have some of your mothers done to make you feel that you had to give in to sexual abuse......??? When a mother actually stands by and watches her daugther marry an old man who has many wifes, how can this girl feel? This has to be so confusing and upsetting to all sexual abuse survivors. But when you share you realize you are not crazy or alone. As always thank you all so much for sharing. xxoo dr. patti
Monday, April 28
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
About "Invisible Girls"
- Dr Patti
- United States
- "Invisible Girls" tells the truth about sexual abuse as no other book has! Rather than me telling you how the book is touching girls around the world, I will tell you what they are saying! Now in 2009 we have our new and revised edition of "Invisible Girls" - we have added 100 pages, a chapter about prostituion as sex abuse, a chapter filled with emails recieved over the past 5 years- Please check out our 2nd edition! xo dr. p "Invisible Girls has saved my life. I was afraid that I was the only girl keeping these secrets, and when I read "Invisible Girls" I starting telling about my abuse, and suddenly I knew I could be alright"- Sue 18 years old "Invisible Girls" is short of a miracle- I read it whenever I feel alone. It helps me to deal and grow and go on."- Tamar 17 years old "Until I read "Invisible Girls" I was afraid to tell what happened to me. Now my mum is supportive and I know I can heal" Britney 14 years old
10 comments:
I know this has nothing to do with religion, but it's something my mom made me do. My parents spilt up when I Was young, and my mom had a boyfriend. To please her boyfriend she USED me!! She told me if I Wanted her to be happy I would let her boyfriend "spend" time with me. Is he my boyfriend or hers?!?!?!
I'm not from Texas, but in my religion the men are inferior to women. Even though I live in a multicultural Canada, my parents still believe this. So basically I was used as a tool to get sex and cannot say anything about it. I write in anonymous blogs, and just share my story, but sometimes I wonder if people understand my pain. I am now 18 years old and all my life I have believed that men were better. My brothers who are younger treat me like shit because they were taught the same thing. I'm not afraid for myself, but I don't want my brothers to become abusers as well. They are good guys, but it's not their fault that they are being taught this way. I hope one day we can end this. It would be like a dream come true...
-survivor
I was able to watch a little bit of news in my area and a man was arrested and his 4 children were taken away because he was using them for sex from what I gathereded anywho I don't know his religious claims though he claimed that he was the second christ. Man if this were true which it isn't then he is going agianst his own teachings as one of them is to not hurt the children for they are treasures from heaven. Anywwho other than that I was raised in an LDS family and the church can be good though when it comes to abuse they turn a blind eye and if it is notified to them then they make the child repent for what they did. I know form expreince. Okay so here's how it went for those whom are confused. I went in for a temple recommened and I was totally honest with him as I was going to go into the lords presence and I confesed that I was being sexually abused and that the abuser was still sliving in the same house. So he then says okay well lets pray about it so we go down on ourd knees and prayed (well he did) anywho after the pray he got a "promting" that I couldn't go into the temple. ans to mromon this is bad because it means your not worthy enough to enter god's house and you can imagine how it must be to a 12 your old who just confessed she was abused and know she thinks that first off it was her fault, second she is dirty and that god doesn't want her in his presence and last but not least god even sees her as unworthy and that it was her fault. then he says that I need to pray and ask for forgivness. which makes it seem even more my fault, so I think that is why I'm still looking at myself as unworthy of everything including god's love and why I want to leave my church. anywho thanks for hearing me out. I just know in my religion viginity in priceless and if it's taken from you even by force then you are dirty and no man will want you. anywho that's how I see it. sorry for spilling my guts to you as this part of my abuse and the church I've never told to anywho before so it my choppy and confusing as I'm still trying to come to turns with it.
also my mom knew what was going on and she turned a bliond erye end even went on to ssaying that it was my fault.
At school they told us about what happened in Australia. There was this one man who kept his 18 year old daughter in the cellar. Now she is 42 years old, and is finally let out. Her dad sexually assaulted her and father 7 children of hers! Can you believe that? One of them died during child birth so he burned him in the furnace. Three of them stayed in the cellar with her and the dad brought up 3. He kept her in the cellar for 24 years!! I feel so bad for her! He drugged her, and tied her up. The bad thing is no one noticed not even his wife. Hiw wife was told that she had run away! Can you imagine that? I wish we could get rid of people like this!!
down here where I live which is probbibly all over the news now is that a man who claims that he is jesus has a place and has the women obey him like he is everything and they can't hold jobs. anywho in the paper this morning it was talking on how he has posted how he has "naked virgins lying next time him though he has not molested them or anything like that. (like that makes it even better !!!!!!!!!!) anywho they took out four kids and yet you don't really hear about his church don't really remeber whay it was called though it's not to big and yet when you think of pular marriage one always thinks up mormon when I feel people need to know it's not just FLDS that do it but fundamentalist Christians and other religions and cultures too even in the US. Anywho incase you were wondering the case that's happening in my place is in NM. (New Mexico)
are we talking about mothers and religion specifically? Or mothers and sexual abuse in general
I don't know. I've been waiting for someone to respond to that. I check it like everyday...
I posted this topic because I have learned that one of the main things girls and women tend to need to talk about is their pain regarding their mothers. Once you realize that your mothers rejection had nothing to do with you, and everything to do with her, hopefully it hurts a bit less. I was not asking for examples just about religion, I was asking about examples of situations where mothers have dissapointed you,or ignored your abuse. Thanks for all your heartfilled comments on this topic. I know when other girls read it they too will really know they are not the cause of their mothers rejection....and mistreatment.
Hey Dr Patti!
Not Sure if this is the right place to post this, but i wasn't really sure where else to put it, so hope heres okay!
I told my Mom about the abuse when i was younger, and she was unsupportive and i guess dismissed it, and it was allowed to continue because i was left in the same environment.
I have been out of home for a couple of years now, and have gotten myself into therepy without the knowledge of anyone else. Today my Therapist asked me to consider getting my Mom to come to a session and for me to confront her about it! I am really not sure about this idea especially since we are not really close at all!
What is your opinion on this as a Therapist? Can it be a good thing?
Thanks Jess
Hi I am 28 and a single mother of 3 children. my father spent some time in jail for sexually abusing my older half sister. I was also abused but I don't remember much of it. I asked my mother when I was a teenager how could she not know it was happening and she would spout out all kinds of excuses. I asked her how she found out and she said that my sister said something about my fathers penis. we are an LDS family and my mother, father and older sister and brother were in Hawaii while my father attended BYU. mom said she went to the Bishop and he said to not take it any further and to not let the authorities know. I found out not long ago (December 2008) that my mother knew about my sister for a long time. she also witnessed it happening. she asked my sister often and was told yes it was happening and would then take my sister into my father (her step father) and he would say sorry and then she would have to give him a kiss on the cheek and it would always happen again until she was 15 years old. my mother did not ask me once while I was growing up if it happened to me and seemed to turn a blind eye and when ever I asked her questions about it she would get angry at me. I am horrified at my new found truth and have emailed my mother who is not in the same country as me. I am so conflicted and can not understand how anyone can do that. she knew - she really knew - she saw it happening - and still all that happened was he had to say sorry and his "abusee" had to give him a kiss on the cheek. I know there is still a lot of shame on single mothers because of the male ruled world - but the safety of my children is above ALL of any of my concerns including my religion! most of all I feel betrayed I don't talk to my father and need some time not talking to my mother. as for the Temple recommend comment - that is just not right! you poor thing! I feel for you! sometimes I dont' understand why these things happen to people - I've had a similar thing happen to me and it really makes you wonder. its the people in the church that sometimes make it harder to be faithful when they're the very ones that are supposed to lift you up and help you bear your burdens.
Post a Comment