Hello wonderful gals! Sorry I have not put up a new blog in a while.... I have been busy maintaining "Invisible Girls" facebook page. But let's get back into the saddle with the blogs!
Okay, many girls talk about how hard it is sometimes when they get triggered and they don't quite know what to say or do. You could be at a friends house and her brother may put his little sister or cousin on his lap- it could be totally innocent but you get triggered.... You could be at a movie and suddenly there is a scene that makes you get up and go to the rest room- you could be in class and someone taps you on the shoulder and you jump..... How do you handle triggers? What are some of your personal triggers?
Let's help each other with this- any ideas, solutions, success?!
xo dr. p
Wednesday, September 22
How to Handle Triggers....
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26 comments:
Hello Friends!
I hope this comment finds you all doing well. It's funny you should mention triggers. Not only am I a trauma survivor, but I now work in the field. I am getting my master's degree in social work, and I am interning with survivors of trauma. Tomorrow, in fact, I am running a group for the survivors. We are going to make metaphorical tool boxes. My clients are going to decorate shoeboxes and put helpful coping skills on the inside. That way, when they get triggered, they can pick a healthy coping skill out of the box and put it to good use. Maybe some of you would like to try that. What are some of my coping skills when I get triggered? I like to distract myself (whether it be doing hw, cuddling a baby, watching t.v., surfing the internet), taking a nap and getting comfy under the covers, taking a hot shower, talking to a trusted friend, etc. Here's hoping for a trigger-free night.
:) thank you! This is one thing that's really hard for me! Being in an invironment where I now have a real dad scares me even though I know he'd never ever hurt me...its holding me back from getting close to him...I'm afraid to get triggered so I avoid as much as I can and its not fair to either of us! My step dad and so many of his "friends" ruined that relationship its so not right...my abuse ended over 4 years ago yet I'm still being punished for what he did to me! ....I try so hard to push everything away when I get triggered and try so hard not to think about it but it always seems to find its way back to me....I struggle everyday yet I hide it all in so that everyone thinks I'm ok!
The triggers will always be there Sisters. It's up to you how much they will affect you. With good therapy, you should find yourself in a position to experience these triggers and not be anxious and be able to deal with them and integrate them into your life. It's not easy, but it is worth it. You are worth it. Keep pushing ahead. You did not deserve the abuse you suffered and you are worthy of a healthy and productive life. Go Sisters.
Do any of you find that therapy is a trigger? For me, it almost feels like talking about it is living through it again. The last therapy session I went to, I almost passed out during it and I threw up afterwards. It takes me so long to recover, I'm trying to get better but it's so hard...is it possible to just forget everything and never think about it again???
Hi Everyone!
I have been feeling somewhat triggered lately, and I could use some advice.
One of the biggest triggers for me is going to the doctor's and being touched (even if it is by a female). Sometimes, I feel like my body is out to get me b/c I have several medical problems that require doctor's appointments, tests, and procedures. There is one doctor's appointment that I really need to make, but I've already cancelled it 4 times b/c I feel triggered and scared.
Currently, I only have one person in my life that I trust. I feel better when she comes to appointments with me, however, she's often traveling and can't come each time. I'm looking for ideas on how to get through these appointments, hopefully, trigger free. Blessings, Rachel.
Telling my story is a trigger for me. When my mother told my grandparents I was abused, they reacted by blaming me and saying that I was being a drama queen. My mom bought into their story and agreed with them. To this day, it feels so strange to tell my story. I always feel like people are going to accuse me of being overly-dramatic. I constantly wonder if my therapist gets tired of hearing me talk about it...like I should just get over it and move on. It's difficult to talk when you are afraid of being labeled for talking.
I'm having so many problems right now...drinking has been my outlet for the past 2 years, its sorta been my best friend...the pain of my past just keeps flowing in. Its like someone turned on the fauset and broke the handle...I'm stuck! When I have a flashback I drink, when I wake up at 3 in the morning because of a nightmare I drink....I've seemed to have tried it all and nothing helps...drinking numbs my pain!
Ahhh distractions.. I am a master at distractions when I am triggered. I've cut,I've cleaned, and I've blown up at other people.. I also have Dissociative Identity Disorder.. So that "helps" when I am triggered. I am hoping with time, these triggers will become less painful...
I get triggered by the smell of alcohol and the sound of elderly men with breathing problems... that one is a big one for me and I have to deal with that daily on the bus. when I get triggered from hearing them breath my chest gets really tight and its hard to breath and I get headaches too.
I got triggered yesterday with my friend while we were at the street festival a drunk man came up behind me and touched my shoulder and it sent me into a panic attack. I felt like a freak because he scared me like that...
I feel really badly for you all when you are triggered. I know it is so difficult. The only thing i can compare it to personally, and this really does not match any of your trauma triggers.... But I miss my mom very much. She is the reason I am able to be such a good therapist, because she really gave me unconditional love. When she died I was with her for her last 33 hours of her dying. It was awful... and when I see an elderly woman- who seems in pain or out of it - sometimes- I think about my mother and how awful those last days with her were. So I understand the concept... but not the trauma you all have been through. All I can say is that when the trigger comes- breathe- breathe- breathe- That is what I do. And then I try to think of something positive. For you all think about the moment you are in, the moment of safety you are in at that very time. And remember that that smell of alcohol is not from your abuser, that is not your parent rejecting you when you tell your story to a trusted friend... etc. As anonymous said earlier in the blog, use your coping tool box. know the ways that you have learned to cope and pull them out at the moment of the trigger. The problem is that if your coping is as "lost" says drinking or something else self destructive then you need to find coping mechanisms that are positive.
And for the trauma triggers that are concrete, for example the bath tub- re claim the experience- reclaim your bodies. I know from hundreds and hundreds of girls that after so many times or re-claiming and re-experiencing - the triggers lessen, and after time they become tiny little shadows of what they were before .
You need to tell your therapists when the therapy is too upsetting. I try to have all my clients leave their sessions feeling fulfilled. Even if we deal with deep trauma, we need to end the session with the girl/woman feeling strong and empowered. Demand this from your therapy. Therapy is about digging up dirt, but also planting new plants to grow and blossom!
As Marybeth says: "You did not deserve the abuse you suffered and you are worthy of a healthy and productive life. Go Sisters."
xoxo dr. p
Whenever I make a mistake, I feel so so stupid. Just today I made a mistake on a college application and my dad freaked out on me. I felt so stupid. I felt like HE was laughing at me. I felt so exposed.
Like he said, I'm stupid, gross, ugly, and so on... I just feel so useless sometimes. I feel like I am giving into what he set up when he started abusing me.
I get triggered when someone touches me and I don't see them. I get a chill down my back and pray it's not him.
Whenever I see a car that is just like his, I get scared and have to see if it's him.
Whenever I hear his voice on the phone with my parents I remember the bruises and the pain as he raped me over and over.
I can't forget and I feel like he's all over the house. Every turn, every wall, every picture reminds me of him, my brother.
Dear Dear Angela, Your post makes me really sad!But at the same time I am so pleased that you are so clear about exactly what your trigger is and how you feel when it happens! I don't know your situation. Is your brother in jail? Do your parents accept him? I hope he is gone, out of your life! xxdr. p
I dissasociate when I am triggered, it is getting annoying now as I start to dig deeper into my past in therapy. When I feel it come on I write in my journal. I keep a small one in my purse so I can write in it anytime. I sometimes use my non dominant hand to write and I ask myself why I am upset. I am usually half surprised and half not when I see what my non-dominant hand writes.
Good luck to all of you with your recovery, especially any of you who are still trapped in an abusive environment.
When I began therapy I was 23 and I hated myself, I was stupid, fat, and ugly. To those of you who still feel this way, keep working on your self esteem, you can come out of that. Now I am confident, know I am smart and pretty and I love my body.
Dear Angel,
I understand about you getting triggered at the fair with the smell of alcohol, but I hope you took refuge in the reality that that was not your grandfather and he could not hurt you!
Intimacy is a definite trigger for me. I get so frustrated sometimes because I feel like I will never have a normal, healthy relationship that isn't defined by all the junk that happened. I'm dating someone amazing right now, but the intimacy part is so tough and sometimes I feel like I should just break it off just so he won't have to pick up the pieces anymore.
Sarah,
I am so sorry to hear that intimacy is so difficult for you. After my "acting out phase" with all the guys in college I became celibate for 4 years. It was during that time that I became friends with my now husband. The first time he innocently touched my waist for a few seconds while we were dancing, sent me reeling. I had my first panic attack the next morning and thought I needed to find a safe place to get locked up so that no one could get me. I say all that to let you know that it is possible to overcome this. I still have some "rules" when it comes to intimacy to keep the triggers away but I am now able to be my adult self in the present when I am with my husband. Keep working at it, maybe your boyfriend would understand if you scale back on the physical intimacy and work on the trust bond even more. I wish you the best.
I seriously feel like I spend my whole life trying to avoid triggers. Abuse triggers, such as the smell of a certain deoderant (which is a hard one for me, because it's a brand that most teenage boys use, so I smell it frequently. I'm getting better at dealing with this one, but the if I smell it on a hot day, or in a confined space I still find it really hard to deal with.) Seeing an abuse scene or hearing someone talking about it in a movie or TV program makes me either need to leave the room or else I end up talking about nothing, at a million miles an hour, I guess hoping to distract anyone else in the room from the subject matter.
I get really triggered when I go out to bars with friends. The only way I have been able to cope is to get drunk (which I get isn't really coping at all, but it at least makes things tolerable!) Guys comments, as well as when they start dancing with me and getting in my personal space. It would be nice to be normal in that respect and be able to dance and be affectionate and even intimate, but I feel like I am damaged for life. I feel like I am unable to put myself into those situations, and then at the same time, I don;t feel like it's fair to inflict me on a guy, because I bring so many issues with me. And what guy, if they actually knew the truth would want anything to do with this/me? The whole thought of what I've done is repulsive.
Peoples comments also trigger me. Recently I had someone make the comment about if someone was to get into a relationship with a particular person that quote "it would be like being with your brother". I just went bright red and felt like I wanted to fall off the face of the earth. What made it even worse was that this person was a mental health professional, and also knew my history.
And then on top of these I have triggers for my ED and also certain foods/smells that trigger Migraines.
I never knew I had a trigger until I was in a serious relationship and we were getting intimate when I had a sudden flashback, ive had night terrors before about what my dad had done but I never thought it would affect the rest of my life, I started screaming and crying and trying to hurt my boyfriend. When I came out of it I was mortified and couldnt look at myself or him. We broke up shortly after that. I am very afraid this will always happen to me. Im afraid to hav intimate relationships because I dont know what caused the horrible flashback. I dont want what my father did to me to keep me from having a happy life.
I'm not sure what my triggers are...or if I even have them. I don't feel and I don't know how to identify an of my feelings. I think as soon as I see/hear/feel/taste something that would/should trigger me, I go away. I guess I protect myself by not feeling.
Wow.I can really relate to so many of the triggers you all have mentioned. I really find therapy a major trigger. I get so dizzy and feel like I'm choking, vomit after and my hands go numb.Often I "go away" from my body. When I am intimate with someone certain sex acts trigger flashbacks.I feel like such a freak, because its not something I feel comfortable explaining to the other person.Also when I have a fever or flu it brings me right back and I feel like a kid again and all the pain and feels like I'm losing my mind.I can so relate to worrying about sounding "overly dramatic" when talking to my therapist.I felt they all thought I was crazy and manipulative and a liar when I tried to explain how hurting myself helped ease my flashbacks when I was hospitalized a few years ago.They didn't get it at all.It is hard to trust.
On a more positive note though,for me my best grounding strategy is to list off in my head all my favorite things,in sentences. Eg. "My favorite colour is red.My favorite song is fields of gold...My favorite movie is...my favorite memory is...my favorite joke is...my favorite animal is...etc.I know it sounds simple,but it helps for me.My therapist says you use a different part of the brain to process these things,so the flashback lessons its charge.
the dark and also when people touch my neck, wrists or feet are the major ones that cause me to panic. i normally sing to myself in my head to ground me, mostly missy higgins songs 'cause they weren't there beneath your stare and they weren't stripped til they were bare of any bindings from the world outside that room, and they weren't taken by the hand and led through fields of naked land where any preconceived ideas were blown away, so I couldn't say no.' or 'grow tall sugarcane, eat that soil and drink the rain, and know they'll chase you if you play their little games, so run, run fast, sugarcane.'. Going to sleep tends to be an issue sometimes with the whole dark thing, I sleep with the tv on, so there is noise and light and I also sleep with a small teddy nearby which calms me if I need it too.
Because of my abuse I disassociated and created two other personalites to cope. Now everytime I talk about what has happened I forget mid sentence because my other personality sort of takes over. My triggers I have figured out are massage tables, garages, convertibles and men with beards. My youth worker helped me figure these were my triggers because thats all I saw when I was being abused.
I write down my feelings now so I can get through it. My parents are finally putting me through counselling so I can get through this. The police are getting involved. Now it's my turn to not be afraid anymore. I can try and trust my other grandfather without thinking about Him.
My trigger is the smell of smoke as in tobacco smoke my 1st abuser tried to kill me because I am severely allergic to smoke and he has been told several times that he could eventually kill me I went home every weekend vomiting for 24 hrs and now I cant do it it throws me into a seizure and I don't really have anything I can do to keep from being thrown into seizure and sometimes I have a hard time taking a bath but I do it anyway I cant handle any man touch me family or not.
Hi guys, I'm new to this.. but I was sexually abused when I was six by my cousin. I cut myself cause I always think its my fault. That I caused the event to happen or something. I'm 14 now and I'm still going through this. Everyone thinks I'm so happy but I'm not, guess I'm a good actor. Anyways, this is such a traumatic experience and I'm survivng it. I was so confused and helpless. If one of my boy cousins come near me I run away, or if a boy hugs me I freak, it prevents me from being close to anyway. I just want to be okay.
That is exactly how I feel. Like hurting myself numbs the pain, takes it away somehow. No one understands that, I was also hospitalized not to long ago and its hard. But we will get through this. I'm sorry it happened to you, but you aren't alone.
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