Sunday, July 19

Let's Help Each Other!

I learn amazing things from girls every day! Girls heal and move onward with their lives after abuse. This is a great opportunity to share with each other your techniques - your skills - your ways to heal. If you want to communicate directly with each other, email me- I will exchange your email addresses- Don't post your email addresses on the blog directly- I want to protect you gals!!

18 comments:

Anonymous said...

I cant even find a reason to try to heal it is to hard sorry i can not do it i can not heal i am to broken sorry

Dr Patti said...

I am sorry you are feeling you are out of hope at the moment. As silly as it sounds.... Look at pics of some babies and kitties on the internet, take a walk, take a relaxing shower, watch something goofy on tv. read some loveley poetry, put on a wonderful lotion, pet a dog, pet a cat, look at goofy stuff on the internet- run, exercise, sing, punch a pillow, paint a picture, play with clay, write a letter, call a friend, braid your hair, breathe, breathe, breathe, listen to happy beautiful music, help someone, wear a new dress, refinish a chair, knit, crochet, ..........
xxx dr. p

Unknown said...

I can't feel. I am angry, but I can't express it. Maybe I am not angry even I don't know. I am more hurt than anything. I am in the process of healing I guess. The people who know about the abuse think I am doing sooo well, but really I don't know. For years I blocked out the abuse, forgot it completely. Then it caught up with me. But now I feel like I might be "forgetting" it again. That scares me. Does that mean I'm healing? I want to heal, but I just don't know. I feel kinda like my body doesn't want me to or something. Is that just ridiculous? I don't know. Sometimes I just feel like I should forget the abuse. I know I shouldn't. I should try to heal. I want to heal.

And reading books specifically about sexual abuse at least kinda helped me. And i'm working on a workbook with my therapist now too.

Ariel said...

^^^I know what you mean when you say people who know about the abuse think you're doing so well,I hate that sometimes because I there are days were im struggling so bad but i feel pressured to act like everythings good because people are counting on me to be better & they think I am, so I dont want to let them down...

As for coping, its helped tremendously to surround myself with people who love & care about me. My family, especially my mom, hasn't really been to supportive or helpful with my disclosure or the healing process so I have to rely on friends and counslers a lot. I consider them my dream team!
(People i know that i can absouletely always go to ANYWHERE at ANY TIME if i need to!)

Right now my dream team consists of three friends, my school guiduance counselor, an advocate from my local crime victims center, and an advocate/counsler from the victims center near my current location. (I had to leave home after my disclosure & now im staying w/ some extended family)

You can kind of give each person a role without them knowing it! for instance one of my best friends is a guy. it helps to have him because i can talk to him about relationships,self esteem & other things that i wouldnt feel comfortable telling my girlfriends. My other friend is a survivor too, so i can always talk to her about things people who weren't survivors wouldnt understand. it helps to know someone whose been thru what your going thru. shes younger than me but my biggest role model b/c i hope to someday be as strong and positive as she is. & my last friend is a strong christian. it helps to have her when im struggling with my faith & need a little encouragement.

Besides from friends its important to have some adults too. the advocate from my local CVC is AMAZING she accompined me @ the police station and we remained in contact & talk at least once a week. i tell her about stuff only an adult would understand and she never fails to give sensible advice or esteem building encouragement. I also remained in contact with my school counselor even though i recently graduated. we formed a pretty good bond thru this whole thing. he is an adult survivor it definitely helps to have him on my dream team b/c he helps to keep me grounded. he is a real life example that healing is possible but when im frustrated(& i pretty much am all the time)he never forgets to remind me it doesnt happened overnite and may takes years but its worth it = ]

so i guess what im tryin to say is dont try to do it alone! it rele helps to have people to rely on especially when your having a bad day or week or month and all you want to do is quit!

Danielle said...

there has been many things that has helped me through the abuse. i read a lot and reading other survivors stories helps a ton, and even though that may not match up completly there are parts that do. i write a lot, when i wake up late at night because of a nightmare i write about it and it helps to fade it some. i also make sure i have lots of people around me who care!
i keep myself busy...well try to as much as i can! i volunteer a lot, and do little things like scrapbook, or knit. amd talking about the abuse has helped me a lot!!!!!!
i told three years ago and am still dealing with a lot of things so even now talking helps a lot!
when i have a flash back i try to ground myself, look at the things areound me and describe to myself what they look like and keep doing it till i come back to myself.
i now work with survivors and i love it!! so if any of you want to just chat or just to have someone eround your age to talk to about the abuse i am here! just email dr patti and i know that she would send you mine!!!
dont ever give up on healing!!! in the end it is worth it, to break the cycle, to show your abuser that he doesnt still control you and most of all do it for yourself, to show yourself that you are worthy and the person that means the most is YOU!! even though you may not feel it all the time, just always know it is true!!

Unknown said...

Wow thanks! It's good to know I'm not like going insane or something. I do feel like I have to put up an act. I feel like I don't want to disappoint everyone. I feel like I have to live up to what other people think of me sometimes. I am a perfectionist, but I can't be perfect all the time. I am no where near perfect! I am a total mess! I only disclosed this past April! I didn't even know that what my brother did to me was abuse till this past January. Ever since then everything is different. I am a different person. Well I'm still me, but I've just been a wreck. I have been finally dealing with all the pain and the memories. At least I have my friends and family here for me even though most I can't go to cause I really don't feel comfortable enough and they might judge me I don't know. I am just glad to have a few good friends who I can talk to and a good therapist I can trust. I am TRYING to heal. I just don't know if I can.

Veronica said...

I know how you guys feel, I feel like I have to put up a front also. The people in my life that know about my healing and abuse and all tell me I'm doing "great" and "I'm so good to be healing this young" and all kinds of stuff. I don't really believe them though, it just doesn't feel like I'm doing as good as they think, and I don't want to fill them in because I hate to disappoint them.
Angela-I think there are different phases of healing that everyone goes through. Some days you might think about your abuse all day long, some days you might not consider it at all. As far as I know, it's all normal. I guess my point is that healing won't always feel/look the same. As you change and as you heal, it will change also.
I definitely know how you feel about not knowing if you can heal or not. (though I believe that you can). I just don't know if I can, you know? I mean I'm trying, but if it's not one thing it's another, and it's all so overwhelming and exhausting. I feel like I'm juggling all of these abuse issues, and try as might, they seem to multiply instead of gradually diminish. Sometimes I wonder if I should abandon my whole healing mission, because it seems like the deeper I dig, the worse it gets. But then again maybe things have to get worse before they can get better. I don't know.

Dr Patti said...

You gals may not realize it but you are showing ways to heal just by writing that you may not know how to heal some days. The fact that you ae venting here - into the universe,with each other, with me ... You are helping yourselves heal. Just talking about the struggles is a way to heal. Again you are brilliant and you do not even realize it. xxx dr. p

Anonymous said...

Hi Ladies,

I've only posted on this website once or twice, but I truly feel like this blog is a godsend.

I want to introduce myself to all of you. My name is Rachel, and I am more than willing to connect via E-mail/phone if anyone wants to.

I specifically want to respond to the person who wrote the first post. Anonymous, you mentioned that you were "too broken to heal." I want you to know that I can relate. I am a big believer in not saying "I understand" because even if we went through identical experiences, we'd likely experience them differently. For so many years I felt as if I were too hurt, too broken to heal. I spent a lot of time in and out of hospitals, depressed, scared, anxious, and feeling like my life was not worth living.

Life has changed drastically since then. I am a social work student and have one more year left. I am a nanny. I volunteer with premature and sick infants, I have wonderful friends, and I am learning to trust my own heart and love myself. It is not easy, but healing is possible. As trite as it sounds, "things" do get better. I have started to appreciate the little things in life. I no longer take for granted the sun shining on my shoulders, a good song on the radio, a particularly delicious cup of iced coffee, kisses from my puppy, and that sweet smell of a newborn baby. However, there are days when I cannot access those things, and I cannot implement my coping skills. There are days when flashbacks, nightmares, and body memories take over. However, I slowly remind myself that my feelings (albeit completely miserable) will NOT kill me. You, too, are an incredibly strong human being. You may ask, "how do you know I am strong, you don't even know me?" I will respond, "because you are alive, you survived, and now, you are thriving!" I want you to know (I want all of you to know) that although you do not know me, I am here for you. We are all part of a club (a club that none of us signed up to be in) and we have to stick together. My new theory is this: if you have never felt the worst of the worst you cannot appreciate the best of the best. Hang in there ladies...
XOXO,
Rachel

Anonymous said...

thanks Rachel i wrote the first post and Dr. Patti knows me as Diane and she can give you my email i would like to talk to you

Dr Patti said...

Thanks Diane for not posting your email address. But you need to email me and let me know that you want me to give your email address out and who to, so that I have a record of this. Thanks Gals!! xx dr. patti

Diane said...

ok that did not go well at all!!! note to self don't do that anymore!!!!!!

Mariah said...

Danielle-
Thank you so much for posting that. It showed me how someone can truly learn and grow from their experiences. So I just wanted to thank you, and I definately will be asking Dr.Patti for your email!

Danielle said...

Mariah, no prob! i am looking forward to hearing from you!

Dr Patti said...

Hey Gals - turns out I can't give you each other's emails, ( legal reasons) But now that we have a page on facebook, you can all probably connect. You know the technology- I don't- Keep up the wonderful advice. xx dr. p

Manders said...

I believe there are many ways to heal. I also believe that "healing" is easier said than done. I am a survivor of rape, as a result of this I have struggled with:
Flashbacks
Urges of Suicide
Urges to self harm
Depression
Anxiety
Stress
Hopelessness
& so much more...

I have created something that helps me and many of the survivors I have shared the idea with.

I needed something to help with the "grounding" when i was having flashbacks. Something that would make me think twice before suicide attempts. Something to take away the urge or atleast manage it so i wouldnt cut myself. Something to inspire me to find the good in all of this bad.


I love doing crafts and being creative so I decorated a box. I filled it with quotes, pictures, sayings, lines from invisible girls, scents that bring me comfort, and so much more.
I have approx. 45 cards that have something meaningful to me and my experiences on each one. The goal is to reduce any stress, anxiety, urges, flashbacks, etc. If you get done going through the whole box, go through it again. If your still not getting anything out of it, its missing something. Its a never ending project, Just as the journey of healing is never ending. There is always room for improvement and you can always better yourself. We are strong. We are visible. We are amazing. We are GIRLS.

:) Miranda

Anonymous said...

Hi, im 14 and i was sexual abused by my father for four years. You can't give up on healing ive grown stroger and have learned to understand alot more even with what has happened to me it's not your fualt that this happened to you your the victim. Someone did something very stupid and you can still live your life. Telling people and talking is so much easier than keeping it inside i learned that the hard way i didn't think my mom could manage me and my brothers in her own but she can and everything has gotten better. You just have to keep fighting for what you want. I learned alot and have grown but not in a way i would have liked to, but don't give up on healing. Realizing it wasn't your fault helps a lot and could be considered the first step. I admire the person that made this sight because it allows those of us who this horrible thing happened to and connect and know that we aren't alone and that there is people that can help you and your life will get better. Signed: No longer alone

Dr Patti said...

Dear No Longer Alone, You are wonderful!! You are only 14 years old and look at the wisdom you have! You realize that you need to move on - you realize that SOMEONE DID SOMETHING TO YOU- You did not do anything wrong!!! Just knowing that is the beginning of stopping blaming yourself for abuse that was done to you! You are so smart and so positive, so strong- the truth is that you are right, the first step is realizing it was not your fault. In your case it seems that your mother is getting it together. You are very lucky, the hardest thing for girls is when their mothers reject them- Your mother is trying now. That is great, and you are an insightful, bright, young lady! xx dr. p


About "Invisible Girls"

United States
"Invisible Girls" tells the truth about sexual abuse as no other book has! Rather than me telling you how the book is touching girls around the world, I will tell you what they are saying! Now in 2009 we have our new and revised edition of "Invisible Girls" - we have added 100 pages, a chapter about prostituion as sex abuse, a chapter filled with emails recieved over the past 5 years- Please check out our 2nd edition! xo dr. p "Invisible Girls has saved my life. I was afraid that I was the only girl keeping these secrets, and when I read "Invisible Girls" I starting telling about my abuse, and suddenly I knew I could be alright"- Sue 18 years old "Invisible Girls" is short of a miracle- I read it whenever I feel alone. It helps me to deal and grow and go on."- Tamar 17 years old "Until I read "Invisible Girls" I was afraid to tell what happened to me. Now my mum is supportive and I know I can heal" Britney 14 years old